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Old 06-01-2020, 01:49 PM   #1
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A pack of cigarettes.......

The wife of a 63-year-old man asked him to go and buy cigarettes. The man thought it sounded like a great idea, because he wanted to stretch his limbs anyway. But when he arrived at the store, he found it was closed. So he went to a local pub to use their automatic cigarette machine.
He bought a pack of cigarettes for his wife, and then noticed that there was a pleasant atmosphere in the bar.
"Oh well, Friday evening after all", he thought to himself, and sat down to drink a few beers.
A few minutes later, a beautiful 23-year-old woman approached him and began talking to him. They drank a few drinks together and ended up in her apartment.
After they had fun together, the man looked at his watch and noticed that it was 3 am.
He dressed quickly and said, "My wife will kill me, do you have any talc?"

The woman gave him talc, and he put it on his hands before taking the taxi home.
When he got home, he saw his wife waiting for him, shouting, "Where the hell were you?!?"
The man answered, "Well, honey, that's what happened: I went to a store like you asked, but it was closed, so I went to the pub to use the automatic machine, I saw a beautiful girl there, drank a few drinks, one thing led to the other..".
The woman folded her arms and said, "Oh, really? Show me your hands!"
She saw that his hands were covered with talcum and said, "You're such a liar! You went to bowling again!"............
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Old 06-01-2020, 08:43 PM   #2
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Sorry I don't post much but I do read all the threads every day. Lots I need to learn.


That is one of the funniest stories ever. I read it to my dear wife and we both were rolling on the floor laughing. We are both 65 so we can relate. Where do you come up with these?
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Old 06-02-2020, 07:45 AM   #3
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Environs

I don’t know about Jim. Well I do and it scares me. But for me, I’ve always noticed that there is a fair percentage of people who appreciate a good joke and when those people socialize
talk often turns to “Have you heard this one?” From there oneupmanship prevails. Then all you have to have is a memory. When I grew up, there were class clowns who did naturally funny stuff. Often stupid but to a Third grader pretty funny. I went to Stinkin Lincoln elementary in our town, well you get the idea.
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Old 06-02-2020, 08:26 AM   #4
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Interesting Dave you are here. When I read the poster's question as to my source for these jokes, I immediately thought of you and was going to reply to the question with "I read Iowa Dave's junk mail"..........
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Old 06-02-2020, 09:46 PM   #5
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This thread reminds me of a true story my dad told me years ago. Dad was in the army with Dan Blocker; that's right, Hoss Cartwright from Bonanza. Of course this was before he was famous. Dad said he was the biggest joker you ever saw. Always telling jokes and clowning around. But his best gag was reciting an old, lengthy poem named The Face On The Barroom Floor. Dan had committed the entire poem to memory and would have the guys rolling with his delivery. I can only imagine what it must have been like to see Dan's rendition.
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Old 06-02-2020, 10:03 PM   #6
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Your post brought back a memory of listening late into the evening to Franklin McCormick on WGN radio out of Chicago. He would play good music, Talk a little Philosophy and do some Recitations.
The Face On the Barroom Floor was a favorite of his. He had a great radiovoice and a very calming delivery.

Another thing that’s missing from America now, great clear channel late night radio. His sponsor was Meister Brau beer. He believed in his product and kept a stocked refrigerator in his WGN studio.

Thanks for the memory. My Dad was a big Bonanza fan. We watched every Sunday night. I thought since my Dad liked the show, I could get away with an Adam Cartwright sideburns treatment. Nope.
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Old 06-02-2020, 10:44 PM   #7
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Thanks, guys! This thread's far more entertaining than TV - cable included! Reminds me of my dad, who always had a new joke/anecdote to share.
Missing Bonanza days ….
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